Slaying My Demons

“You gain strength, courage and confidence

by every experience in which you really
stop to look fear in the face . .

Do the thing you think
You cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt


This quote has been reverberating through my mind lately. Every time that I cower at the mention of a new skill that I must acquire----every time I tell myself I cannot possibly accomplish what is expected of me----every time I feel that I am not equal to the task at hand, I think of Eleanor Roosevelt and this quote that is indelibly written within the recesses of my brain.

I don’t know if I can meet the challenges of teaching . . .but I can learn. I can learn and I will therefore conquer my fear of teaching.

Although I do not come from a teaching background and the concepts of learning styles and constructivism were new to me I will prevail. Once I took the DVC inventory and learned more about constructivism, I started to innately realize how important they were to learning both on ground and online.

My curiosity was piqued by the different styles and the importance and difficulty of trying to accommodate them in an online learning environment. I quickly realized how difficult it is to create a balance of learning style opportunities that would successfully attract and hold the interest of different learners. I also realized that one had to be reticent of your own learning style so that you do not overshadow your online class with your own preferences in learning.

I had also never thought about instructors having different teaching styles. It seemed like teachers were divided into two camps-good or bad, before I learned that there were different types of teaching styles. I didn’t consider the fact that different teaching styles might not be well suited to different students and their preferences for learning. Some students might prefer a delegator while others prefer their instructor to be primarily an expert to be comfortable.

I came to appreciate through all of our topical discussions that creating a successful online learning environment would be arduous and very time consuming. I also now know that it will be a matter of trial and error. I also know that it will ultimately be an original conceptual design melded by the learners. A good class must have a good solid structure, but it must also be able to incorporate some flexibility to accommodate customization for that particular class blend and the particular chemistry of each group of learners.

I appreciate the fact that the instructor must make the learning environment as comfortable and devoid of foreboding aspects as possible. I realized that a good instructor must have an introductory activity that will engage and encourage students to be self-assured and to become one in the learning environment. He/she must be available for communication daily during the term, so that students do not become discouraged or feel isolated in an online class experience. He must also constantly be measuring the cadence of the class to make sure that he has not fallen out of step with their immediate wants and needs.

I also realized that it was possible to successfully create a small working group of students who can come from totally different academic backgrounds and through the use of online communication mediums like cyber chat rooms and discussion boards meld them into a functioning unit that create a very viable learning tool through cooperation and open communication. I, also, appreciated all of the other groups and the many web sources that I was able to glean from their excellent group presentations.

I appreciated once again the value of an online presentation with an open question and answer platform as I enjoyed the valuable information that Ms. Martin imparted to us about being an online instructor. I was buoyed by the fact that she had not had an on ground teaching background and had even considered that this factor had perhaps been an asset for her as she came to the medium with no preconceived ideas.

I was pleased to hear that as someone who lacked a lot of experience in on ground instruction, I, too, could potentially make lemonade out of what I had previously perceived as lemons. I had been grappling with my shortcomings as I read the experiences of my seasoned classmates and Ms. Martin gave me encouragement to continue to bring my own unique voice to the table.

I also learned how to successfully create a blog. Granted I have a great deal more to learn about bringing this tool to life, but I am enjoying the process. I have already started a blog for our students. At this point, it is just a place for them to find event information, find new vocabulary words, explore interesting new reads, try valuable research websites, express their ideas about past activities and workshops and suggest new activities. However, I will continue to work to improve the content every month, and I am very pleased by the response we have already had from our students and the staff. It has the potential to be another useful communication tool between staff and students.

I have enjoyed reading the vast range of ideas that each student has brought to the dance as we communicate on the discussion boards. It is comforting to hear that others are experiencing the same trials and tribulations that I am.

I have once again been humbled by technology. It can be a valued friend and an unrelenting foe and one must learn to ride the ebbs and flows of the waves and refuse to give in to the foibles that occur. It is damning when you cannot figure the problem out, but it feels so exhilarating when you finally breakthrough, solve the puzzle yourself and can move forward.

Finally we have just started to explore the use of e-portfolios. This is the first time that I have been introduced to this online tool. I can already see some of the possible uses of this new compiler of knowledge and experience. I am once again hesitant as we begin our foray into electronic portfolios. I have already been bolstered by reading about the same fears expressed by my colleagues.

With each new concept, I wonder how I will choose to add that element to my own online class. How will I infuse activities to create camaraderie? Will I be able to touch the minds and hearts of my online learners in this high tech environment? How will I use the group learning concept? How will I assuage the fears of novice online learners? How will I use the chat room, the discussion boards, graphics, audio, video, etc., etc.?

I am comforted by the fact that I have also had my love of online learning expanded. I have always loved the concept and the possibilities, but I have now come to appreciate the vast difference between a well designed web course and a transplanted version of an on ground course that has literally been “plopped” online.

I have taken quite a few online classes and have seen an evolution in the online class environment from a foggy, gray environment consisting mostly of merely taking online exams, submitting online papers and watching uninspired Powerpoint presentations to a much more vivid landscape where live presentations and open live communication have become commonplace.

I also know that a new medium does not go from infancy to maturity overnight. It was a long journey from the first home telephone communication to today’s cell phones. Although I think technology is moving far more rapidly because of our improved means of human communication, I believe that unbelievable advances are always going to be lurking right around the next corner.

I know that no learning environment is best for every student and there will always be room for a variety of venues, however, I am excited to think about the potential scale of this medium. I am excited about the number of human beings who can be reached and the barriers both physical and psychological that can be breached. I am excited to watch things evolve, but most importantly, I am excited about the potential to be a part of this cyber wave into the future. I am excited to continue learning.

I am ruminating over all of this on this crisp Sunday morning as I contemplate what I have already learned in this class. Queries still pervade my consciousness, can I successfully do this, understand that----the questions whiz like a ticker tape through my brain.

More than anything I know I must fortify myself with the thing I am confident I can do---I can learn. And then I must listen to Eleanor’s wisdom, look fear in the face and continue undaunted, “to do the thing I think I cannot do”.

Stymied Again

It's Monday morning, and I am thinking about how I was once again stymied by technology . . .
I attempted to post my blog late last night when the house was quiet and everyone was already fast asleep. No problem, I thought. I had read through the instructions at an earlier time and everything seemed crystal clear. BOY WAS I WRONG.

Let's see, it was enable html, click on the link and add your URL; that seemed simple enough right? Well, when I went through those steps the box didn't come up to allow me to post the URL. Maybe I was going in to the assignment at the wrong spot, Sharon tried to help and suggested I try my link through the calendar. She was the voice of reason and calmness in my ever escalating mindset. I attempted that---still no box.

I read and re-read the instructions. There must be some little nuance that I was doing wrong. I closely examined every little diagram and word in the instructions---I wrote down crib notes because perhaps my brain cells were dying more rapidly than I had imagined.

I tried again and again. No response. I gave my computer a tongue lashing, albeit a whispered one because everyone was sleeping!! What was it's problem?? Didn't it recognize the fact that I WAS doing the instructions right?? My machine was "mum", totally unresponsive---it seemed completely unconcerned with my conundrum. If only it would utter some response, it would give me a reasonable excuse for kicking it, but nothing!

Then suddenly the synapses started sparking in my brain (who knew it worked on Sunday nights?)and I had an ah-ha moment! Somehow, one of the popup blockers had become engaged on my machine, but I had sudddenly realized the problem and it had been thwarted!!

Once again another evil plot by the tiny demons that set up stumbling blocks on my machine in the middle of the night while I am fast asleep had been foiled!! I beamed with wicked satisfaction and shut the machine down for some shuteye.

But as I pulled the blankets up around my neck and peered into the darkness of the bedroom, the thought, however, did enter my mind---perhaps I HAVE been reading a little too much science fiction.

The Touch . . . The Feeling . . . The Key . . .

“The Touch” from Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam

Michelangelo painted the Creation of Adam on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and then painted everything else around that one concept---the concept that a more powerful force "touched" man suggests that an energy came from an intelligence down to man through the sense of touch.

We are blessed as humans with the potential for five senses, the sense of smell, the sense of sound, the sense of taste, the sense of sight and that key sense---the sense of touch.

We sense the world in five different ways but all of these senses are really based on feeling. Someone may have lost his sense of sight but he can still feel the warmth of the sun on his face, or someone may have lost the sense of sound but she can feel the vibration of the music with her feet on the floor.

Both of these senses can be assisted and enhanced by other means of feeling. A sightless person can use a cane to feel for his step, a deaf and sightless person can also learn to communicate by feeling as Helen Keller did, by someone’s touch and learn to feel a new way to communicate by using sign language.

The absence of the sense of taste and smell are indeed great losses but one can still feel the texture of the food and enjoy some tactile pleasure.

Thus it seems evident that the sense of touch is by far the most important of all of the senses. We can survive without the senses of smell, sound, taste, and sight, but it is very difficult for humans to survive without some sense of touch or feeling. We know from experience that newborns who are not touched are stilted in their development.

This sometimes elusive sense of touch is the most complex sense. We can experience a touch without actual physical contact. We have all experienced this feeling of touch and connection when we have been touched by a beautiful picture, touched by love, touched by words and touched by music although we have made a different type of “touch” connection with other human beings in these instances. We know that touch can be accomplished in more than one dimension.

Can we touch and truly feel other human beings in cyberspace? This is our paramount concern in online high tech, high touch environments---can we still really bridge the physical distance that separates every human being in the learning experience by using a spiritual form of touch and feeling that bridges that chasm??

This is the challenge we face as we enter this new frontier. We can see a “flat” impression of our fellow sojourners in a picture, we can hear their voices streaming on the Wimba connection but can we create this illusive sense of deeply touching and feeling the hearts and minds of our fellow travelers in cyberspace?

How do we experience a multi-dimensional construct of these shadows in cyberspace? What will work best to breathe life into these forms so that we can truly connect and feel the depths of their beings? What will bring them alive to each of us as we search to create a deeper, more meaningful bond?

This is the problem that we are working to overcome in this new realm of cyber realism. Perhaps I am a dreamer, and perhaps I prefer to dwell on the future and the positive resonance of why not instead of on the current shortcomings of why?

For you see, I envision a not too distant future when the current online environment will seem antiquated. We stand on the precipice of an online world where we will be able to smell the acrid smell of sulphur as we work on our understanding of chemistry or smell the sweet scent of the roses as Elisabeth Bennet rambles through the garden in Pride and Prejudice. I see an online environment where children will be able to touch a screen that will transform into the feel of a reptile.

Think only of the difference between Pong or Pac Man and the Wii environment of today. What a difference! It was not that long ago that MS-DOS was an exciting new means of communication!!

The new technologies that Jan has introduced us to makes me realize more than every that our role as instructors in cyberspace is to remain as perpetual learners, always willing to open our minds to the possibilities and to be willing to constantly embrace change, and change again.

We must be willing to learn and relearn and learn again and again as we are forced to cast off traditional methods and notions that no longer are applicable in these uncharted waters.

I feel certain that all of these new applications, all of the ever changing technologies, and the constantly evolving nature of this seemingly endless frontier will sometimes seem daunting. There will be moments of disappointment for all of us when we feel that we will never be able to bridge the chasm that sometimes seems so evident as it lies between us in cyberspace, but I am also confident that there will be those indescribable moments when we have breakthroughs of brilliance and when they occur we will feel rewarded beyond our wildest dreams.

Who can forget the moment in the Miracle Worker when Helen instructed by Anne Sullivan finally realizes that she can communicate and touches everything wanting all that input and realizing that she could communicate in a medium that many had shrugged their shoulders at and simply said could not be done. ( I know even now we are surrounded by doubters).


But that moment in the Miracle Worker, that is the type of “ah-ha” moment that I am waiting to be a part of experiencing and creating. There are no limits to human potential and there are also no limits on how we can “touch” other human beings or in how they can learn.

Keep believing in the potential. Keep looking up and just as Michelangelo did-----pick up your brush and paint all of the other senses---everything around that one key concept----touch. I can feel it now, online learning is going to be a masterpiece of human ingenuity and we all have an opportunity to add brilliance and color to the canvas of what could be our own magnum opus.